THE RULES OF BARGAINING

Having been back in Africa for about three and a half months now; I realised certain truths. Firstly I have been paying too much for everything; I have been ripped off at every opportunity. It is now time to get back what I gave away and the rules of bargaining will help me achieve this. There is now such thing as a price in Africa; it is what you are willing to pay. I am used to Europe, when you walk in a shop and see something costs £2.99 it means it costs £2.99. I was in Tesco with my Dad in Reading when he made me cringe by starting to bargain with the check-out girl. “If I gave you £5 can I get 3?” She had the most vacant look on her face like “What the hell is this guy smoking?” But that is natural in Africa, you can always bargain your way out of everything, even a prison sentence. “Your Honour, 5 years for the robbery and 2 years to run concurrently for the conspiracy, that’s my final offer.”

I realise I have been paying too much for stuff, I now pay 400Rwf for a Moto ride where I used to pay 1000. I now buy stuff for a third of the price as standard. I have learnt the rules of bargaining that have remained the same since the Stone age and have saved Billions of people billions since the dawn of mankind. The moto-riders are my favourites; they tell you how it is. I agreed a fee of 300Rwf with him for 2 km journey, I told him the general area I was going – SONATUBE to see my brother. We set off, when we got to a hill he started complaining “you’re a bit heavy” then “it’s a bit further than you said” when we got there the price was 700Rwf. I was gasping at the hike, he then went into a long lecture about the macro and micro economic factors that led to the hike.

Firstly he said the price of oil was $100 a barrel, the dollar was weak thus driving inflation, and his wife was spending more than he could earn, plus I was fat basically. Of course he wasn’t as eloquent as that but I really admired his chutzpah and let him have the money saying I would curse the money before I let him have it but he wasn’t bothered. I sat there wondering whether I was fat or not, I concluded that I was just heavy because I still fit into my jeans and 100kg is just heavy not fat. I realised that bargaining has no instant winners and losers; you realise in the long run. For example I bought an electrical adaptor; the first price was 5000, I cut the bullshit and offered 2000 and started to walk off but he said “OK just pay!” I was smug till I got home and realised the adaptor didn’t fit my three-pronged plugs.

It’s like in the Simpson’s when Homer shouted at Marge “You said we couldn’t go wrong buying a TV for $20 and look, 12 years later it breaks down.” Only when something lasts long enough to justify your spending can you say it was value for money. It is really tedious to try and buy something; it takes longer than it should do. In Europe you walk for hours looking for bargains but in Africa you talk for hours looking for Bargains, either way you are exhausted.

The rules of bargaining follow simple steps and in African culture it is important to follow them through.

One - Say hello, don’t go straight into the bargain coz he’ll over-charge you, try to establish a rapport. Ask about his family and stuff, talk about how hard times are financially. Always state that you are tired and haven’t eaten all day.

Two – Don’t look too interested, inquire about other stuff. Establish a first price, this will always be roughly double to three times what you will actually pay. Always react angrily to this first price, say that you feel offended by his audacity.

Three- Offer 1/3 of what he offered and start to walk away, he will offer 20% off , look a bit more interested but still disdainful.

Four – Offer 40% of his price, start to criticize the quality of the goods, if it is a tomato say it is rotten, if it is a TV say it is too small, and so forth.

Five – Hold it in your hands and look really keen, then suddenly hand it back. Make it look so close yet so far. And start to walk off and he will offer what you wanted.

That is the problem with Africa, how much tax does he pay? How can the government even know? What rate does he pay? How can someone even know what the proper price of stuff is? No wonder inflation can just jump sometimes; everyone is trying to rip you off. I used to see a taxi-driver just sit there for hours waiting for a customer and when one came along, he’d try to get the most out of them. I asked him why he didn’t just offer lower prices instead of just sitting there all day. He said “There are no nice guys in business.”

We need price-structures, not general price-ranges; we cannot just make up prices as we go.