The other day I had a blast from the past; I was just checking Facebook as I always do, for that friendship request from the longest of long-lost friends that usually never comes when I actually saw the said request I was looking for. I have had few friends as close as Junior; we came of age together at University, both young, black and handsome, cocky and sure. We were simpatico, pilot and wingman, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid, Lone Ranger and Tonto, a great double act to rank among the best of them. We used to play Championship Manager on the Commodore for days and days till I would have to stop, to shave. Being youngsters we fell out over such a trivial matter that defies explanation. I always wondered in the back of my mind what happened to him after we parted, we’ll I found out he is happy in London, running his music store, has a 5 year old daughter, and is generally happy DJing on the side.
We used to listen to music for days on end; I have no doubt that 1996-97 was one of the greatest eras of history of music, simply because Hip-hop was emerging out of the underground. It was the zenith just before it spiralled downwards on the coat tails of Puff Daddy and the like. Tupac had just died, Biggie soon after, a raft of great albums came out in quick succession before the bling-bling era. I remembered those days as I listened to Jeru and Lost boys; I was so sure of the world, so sure of how life would turn out. I wrote a note to future myself, it was simple – “Keep it real!” That expression had a profound meaning to me; it was a call to hold on to my core values, never to forget who I am. But the Earth shifts below you; you want to “keep it real” but you soon lose focus of what “it” is and what “real” is.
This week I stand on the verge of two new eras, one numerical and one developmental era. I have been sliding into my customary pre-birthday blues as I am facing 32 in a matter of days; this leads me be morose, navel-gazing, I hear the words of my father screaming in my head “You are 32 and you still haven’t done nothing!” he was saying that since I was 27 and now 5 years later I am in the same situation. The other momentous event is the start of my business in a few weeks; this might be the answer to the “You are 32 and you still haven’t done nothing!” dilemma. My path in life has not been clear or easily navigable, for a number of reasons some my fault and others beyond my control have led me to where I am today. When I look at youngsters on a clear path I feel a great sense of envy but trepidation at the surprises in store. Life is what happens when you are making plans; nothing can prepare you for what is going to happen.
If I could write a letter to my “young self” same as I wrote to my future self, it would be a waste of time as I never listen to advice especially when it is my own and when it is good for me. But for everyone else I have a few words of wisdom about life in general.
Have faith - I am a Christian but even a Muslim, Hindu, or Buddhist with a balanced and deeply felt faith can have peace beyond measure.
Count your blessing and give thanks – there is no such thing as being depressed, just being ungratefulness. Even if you are chemically depressed giving thanks for what blessings you have can help you out of it or at least make you feel a bit better.
Know what you want – always know what you want and expect from life, there is nothing worse than not knowing what you want, you will simply drift in life and not have control.
Set goals – set little goals and a programme to achieve them. Make it a day at a time, always re-evaluate your goals and programme, and do not see this as a failure or copping out but being flexible.
Life is not a race – your friends are on different paths, when you see friends in other stages of development you can feel left behind or a failure. Sometimes people will be ahead of you and other times behind, you don’t know what is going to happen so you don’t know if you are behind or ahead.
Happiness is a choice – my father is the best example of this, he lives in a bubble of self-imposed happiness. He never hangs out with negative people, never feels sorry for himself and makes a conscious decision to be happy.
Perspective – Always keep a sense of perspective, everything is momentary, and nothing is forever. Just like happiness doesn’t last so does pain just be ready for the transition.
Help others – all great religions have the ethos of helping the less fortunate; it helps you focus less on yourself, count your blessings and feel good about life. This is hard sometimes as most people in need just want a quick fix and not a systemic change in their life.
Work hard – I love “Forrest Gump” I will force my kids to watch that movie and I’ll say “Look kids, even though he was slightly retarded; he did everything to the best of his ability, in Vietnam, Ping-pong, running, shrimp-fishing or whatever it was.” Always be able to look back and say “I did my best.”
Enjoy yourself – This is the last rule but most modern people see it as the first. Life is about enjoying the rewards of hard-work, so when you work hard always enjoy yourself.
But all this is going to be forgotten by me as soon as I log off the computer; just like doctors can’t cure themselves I cannot remember to do all this in my daily life. The biggest irony of life is that no prophet is able to foresee his own life path or even death, I cannot advise myself as wisely as I advise others. However it is nonetheless true that if you follow these rules then you’ll be fine, it’s all in the mind; you can be in jail but mentally free or free but mentally imprisoned. To quote Black Sheep “The choice is yours.”
NOTE BY THE AUTHOR (1 hour later)
Yup ironically fate threw a curve ball at me, a slight background to this story is. I have been looking for a house of my own for like 7 months and I have been like Goldilocks “It’s too big” “Too small” “Too expensive” “too cheap” “Too Icky” “Too Yucky” “Too This” “Too that”. But recently I got a smallish but cosy two-bedroom house bachelor pad type-thing, I was happy; if I was in Happyland I would have been the King of Happyland. People said it was too small but I liked it, “She’s just right for me.” I said; I don’t need that space. If I got a bigger house then I’d have to have servants; instead of shopping round Curry’s and B & Q African couples shop for a dishwasher that can also cook food, mow the lawn, clean the house, go down the corner shop for you, that is why Bosch, Zanussi, Hotpoint do not sell in Africa.
So I am there and I got my little pad, I haven’t yet got a bed because I was meant to collect it weeks ago but it is gathering dust in the furniture shop coz I was too lazy to get it. So I convinced myself that I was happy sleeping on the mattress and didn’t need that wardrobe just yet. So I go out and come back to find all of my little house is flooded, my clothes are under a deluge of water, my mattress is soaked deep, my electrical stuff soaked, thank God I had my laptop. I then realise I am standing in the middle of a live electrical pool of water as the socket adaptor is live and sparking in the water, thankfully my boots were water-tight or I’d have be shocked to death. I switched of the main electric fuse. I took stock; all my suits ruined, leather jacket ruined, vital papers soaked. So I go to work and move my wet clothes to a dry room to tackle tomorrow, I remember pouring 12 buckets of water out of my room. Another 8 from the living room and the rest I pushed down the shower.
Just as I was feeling shit about life and starting to feel sorry for myself I snapped out of it and I went through all the blessings I have and how lucky I am. I wrote the early part of this story and was my sanctimonious best. Just as I finished that story and was happy that I had faced a little adversity and came out of it well and ever better; I learned a lesson. Yeah just get your head down and deal with it; if everybody woke up tomorrow and just dealt with their problems the world would be a better place, right? Wrong; I realised minutes later that I was stupid, as it rained even harder and my house is flooded again. I might as well not have bothered; now I look like Andre 3000 in “Miss Jackson” juggling buckets and pots as I replace and empty them. But at least OutKast had cute dancing animals, I have drowning roaches. I have renamed it a water feature and will always swim to the toilet, I’ll get a canoe to get around the house or even an inflatable tube or Jet Ski to sip cocktails from like it is Jamaica. So forget everything I said earlier; life is just cruel, you have to laugh. If it was some other sucker it would have been even funnier, you’ll see the funny side better than I.
We used to listen to music for days on end; I have no doubt that 1996-97 was one of the greatest eras of history of music, simply because Hip-hop was emerging out of the underground. It was the zenith just before it spiralled downwards on the coat tails of Puff Daddy and the like. Tupac had just died, Biggie soon after, a raft of great albums came out in quick succession before the bling-bling era. I remembered those days as I listened to Jeru and Lost boys; I was so sure of the world, so sure of how life would turn out. I wrote a note to future myself, it was simple – “Keep it real!” That expression had a profound meaning to me; it was a call to hold on to my core values, never to forget who I am. But the Earth shifts below you; you want to “keep it real” but you soon lose focus of what “it” is and what “real” is.
This week I stand on the verge of two new eras, one numerical and one developmental era. I have been sliding into my customary pre-birthday blues as I am facing 32 in a matter of days; this leads me be morose, navel-gazing, I hear the words of my father screaming in my head “You are 32 and you still haven’t done nothing!” he was saying that since I was 27 and now 5 years later I am in the same situation. The other momentous event is the start of my business in a few weeks; this might be the answer to the “You are 32 and you still haven’t done nothing!” dilemma. My path in life has not been clear or easily navigable, for a number of reasons some my fault and others beyond my control have led me to where I am today. When I look at youngsters on a clear path I feel a great sense of envy but trepidation at the surprises in store. Life is what happens when you are making plans; nothing can prepare you for what is going to happen.
If I could write a letter to my “young self” same as I wrote to my future self, it would be a waste of time as I never listen to advice especially when it is my own and when it is good for me. But for everyone else I have a few words of wisdom about life in general.
Have faith - I am a Christian but even a Muslim, Hindu, or Buddhist with a balanced and deeply felt faith can have peace beyond measure.
Count your blessing and give thanks – there is no such thing as being depressed, just being ungratefulness. Even if you are chemically depressed giving thanks for what blessings you have can help you out of it or at least make you feel a bit better.
Know what you want – always know what you want and expect from life, there is nothing worse than not knowing what you want, you will simply drift in life and not have control.
Set goals – set little goals and a programme to achieve them. Make it a day at a time, always re-evaluate your goals and programme, and do not see this as a failure or copping out but being flexible.
Life is not a race – your friends are on different paths, when you see friends in other stages of development you can feel left behind or a failure. Sometimes people will be ahead of you and other times behind, you don’t know what is going to happen so you don’t know if you are behind or ahead.
Happiness is a choice – my father is the best example of this, he lives in a bubble of self-imposed happiness. He never hangs out with negative people, never feels sorry for himself and makes a conscious decision to be happy.
Perspective – Always keep a sense of perspective, everything is momentary, and nothing is forever. Just like happiness doesn’t last so does pain just be ready for the transition.
Help others – all great religions have the ethos of helping the less fortunate; it helps you focus less on yourself, count your blessings and feel good about life. This is hard sometimes as most people in need just want a quick fix and not a systemic change in their life.
Work hard – I love “Forrest Gump” I will force my kids to watch that movie and I’ll say “Look kids, even though he was slightly retarded; he did everything to the best of his ability, in Vietnam, Ping-pong, running, shrimp-fishing or whatever it was.” Always be able to look back and say “I did my best.”
Enjoy yourself – This is the last rule but most modern people see it as the first. Life is about enjoying the rewards of hard-work, so when you work hard always enjoy yourself.
But all this is going to be forgotten by me as soon as I log off the computer; just like doctors can’t cure themselves I cannot remember to do all this in my daily life. The biggest irony of life is that no prophet is able to foresee his own life path or even death, I cannot advise myself as wisely as I advise others. However it is nonetheless true that if you follow these rules then you’ll be fine, it’s all in the mind; you can be in jail but mentally free or free but mentally imprisoned. To quote Black Sheep “The choice is yours.”
NOTE BY THE AUTHOR (1 hour later)
Yup ironically fate threw a curve ball at me, a slight background to this story is. I have been looking for a house of my own for like 7 months and I have been like Goldilocks “It’s too big” “Too small” “Too expensive” “too cheap” “Too Icky” “Too Yucky” “Too This” “Too that”. But recently I got a smallish but cosy two-bedroom house bachelor pad type-thing, I was happy; if I was in Happyland I would have been the King of Happyland. People said it was too small but I liked it, “She’s just right for me.” I said; I don’t need that space. If I got a bigger house then I’d have to have servants; instead of shopping round Curry’s and B & Q African couples shop for a dishwasher that can also cook food, mow the lawn, clean the house, go down the corner shop for you, that is why Bosch, Zanussi, Hotpoint do not sell in Africa.
So I am there and I got my little pad, I haven’t yet got a bed because I was meant to collect it weeks ago but it is gathering dust in the furniture shop coz I was too lazy to get it. So I convinced myself that I was happy sleeping on the mattress and didn’t need that wardrobe just yet. So I go out and come back to find all of my little house is flooded, my clothes are under a deluge of water, my mattress is soaked deep, my electrical stuff soaked, thank God I had my laptop. I then realise I am standing in the middle of a live electrical pool of water as the socket adaptor is live and sparking in the water, thankfully my boots were water-tight or I’d have be shocked to death. I switched of the main electric fuse. I took stock; all my suits ruined, leather jacket ruined, vital papers soaked. So I go to work and move my wet clothes to a dry room to tackle tomorrow, I remember pouring 12 buckets of water out of my room. Another 8 from the living room and the rest I pushed down the shower.
Just as I was feeling shit about life and starting to feel sorry for myself I snapped out of it and I went through all the blessings I have and how lucky I am. I wrote the early part of this story and was my sanctimonious best. Just as I finished that story and was happy that I had faced a little adversity and came out of it well and ever better; I learned a lesson. Yeah just get your head down and deal with it; if everybody woke up tomorrow and just dealt with their problems the world would be a better place, right? Wrong; I realised minutes later that I was stupid, as it rained even harder and my house is flooded again. I might as well not have bothered; now I look like Andre 3000 in “Miss Jackson” juggling buckets and pots as I replace and empty them. But at least OutKast had cute dancing animals, I have drowning roaches. I have renamed it a water feature and will always swim to the toilet, I’ll get a canoe to get around the house or even an inflatable tube or Jet Ski to sip cocktails from like it is Jamaica. So forget everything I said earlier; life is just cruel, you have to laugh. If it was some other sucker it would have been even funnier, you’ll see the funny side better than I.
1 comment:
another GREAT post......that last part is priceless....Listen you're not alone....we are all experiencing some sort of existential angst at this point in our lives(30s)....I too tend to compare myself with my age mates and sometimes feel under par... and yes I even compare myself with you whom i don't know but have some connection(the makolos)....intelligent brutha that was brave enuff to taha and commit himself to building his country....despite whatever setbacks... but your advice is right on ....we all have our challenges ........and even in the depths of the blues ....we are blessed beyond measure....at the end of it all you do what u gotta do to get where u wanna go....be decent to others and keep your eyes on the goal......and yeah....keep it real....
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